i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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