Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Say something about gay babies.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
