his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
