I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
