so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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