I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have post one night stand depression
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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