I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
