she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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