Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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