He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
