TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
