so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
