All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
