A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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