I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
