She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They took my balls.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
