i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
