I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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