At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
