ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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