My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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