found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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