i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
