i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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