He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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