Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
