I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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