The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
