so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
