We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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