i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
