Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I looked at my own cervix.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
