five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
