got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
