I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
