Sober January is a disaster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
