She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
