I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
