She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
