you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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