you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
