dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
