What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
