Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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