Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
