and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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