God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
