i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
