So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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