Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
