when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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