I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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